Top 100 Couples Therapy Questions By Topic: 

Whether you’re a therapist looking for powerful prompts, a couple attending therapy, or simply two partners wanting to understand each other better at home, asking the right questions can transform a relationship.

Here’s the ultimate list of 100 therapist-approved couples therapy questions, carefully organized by topic. Use them in sessions, on date nights, or whenever you want to go deeper.

1– Communication (1–10)

1. When do you feel most heard by me?
2. What tone or words from me instantly make you shut down?
3. How can I tell when you’re upset before you say anything?
4. What’s one thing I do that makes you feel criticized?
5. When we argue, what do you need from me in that moment?
6. How was conflict handled in your family growing up?
7. What does “feeling understood” actually feel like in your body?
8. Do you prefer I bring up issues right away or wait until you’re calm?
9. What’s something you’ve been hesitant to tell me because you’re afraid of my reaction?
10. How can we make everyday check-ins feel safe and connecting instead of like a chore?

2– Emotional Intimacy & Vulnerability (11–20)

11. What’s the scariest thing for you to share with me?
12. When’s the last time you felt truly seen and accepted by me?
13. What childhood wound still affects how you love today?
14. What do you need when you’re feeling overwhelmed or down?
15. How do you know you’re loved by me (even when I don’t say “I love you”)?
16. What part of yourself do you hide from me—and why?
17. When do you feel most emotionally close to me?
18. What’s one dream or fear you’ve never told anyone before?
19. How can I support you without trying to “fix” you?
20. What does being “emotionally safe” mean to you?

3– Conflict & Repair (21–30)

21. What’s our typical fight pattern, and who usually plays which role?
22. How do you know an argument is over for you?
23. What’s one thing I do after a fight that helps you feel reconnected?
24. What old relationship baggage do we trigger in each other?
25. When we fight, what are you actually most afraid of?
26. How soon after a fight do you want physical touch again?
27. What’s something you’ve forgiven me for but still hurts sometimes?
28. How can we argue without damaging the foundation of “us”?
29. What’s a repair attempt from me that always works?
30. What do you wish I understood about why certain topics are so triggering for you?

4– Sex & Physical Intimacy (31–40)

31. What makes you feel most desired by me?
32. What’s something new you’d love to try in bed but haven’t asked for?
33. When do you feel least sexy or confident with me?
34. How has your desire for sex changed over the course of our relationship?
35. What non-sexual touch do you crave more of?
36. Do you ever feel pressure around sex? From me? From yourself?
37. What’s your favorite memory of us being intimate?
38. How can I make initiating sex feel safe and exciting for you?
39. What role does stress or exhaustion play in your libido?
40. What does “great sex” mean to you beyond just orgasm?

5– Trust & Past Betrayals (41–50)

41. What does trust look, feel, and sound like to you day-to-day?
42. What’s the biggest betrayal you’ve experienced (in any relationship)?
43. What behaviors from me help rebuild trust after I’ve hurt you?
44. Are there any secrets you’re still keeping that eat at you?
45. When do you feel most insecure in our relationship?
46. What would full transparency look like for us?
47. How long does it take you to trust again after being hurt?
48. What old trust wounds from past relationships do I trigger?
49. What daily actions make you feel safe and secure with me?
50. Have I ever broken your trust in a way I don’t fully realize?

6– Future Dreams & Goals (51–60)

51. Where do you see us in 5 years? 10 years?
52. What’s one big dream you have that you’re afraid I won’t support?
53. How do you feel about kids (more kids, no kids, timing)?
54. What does your ideal lifestyle look like in retirement?
55. Are there places you feel we need to live before we die?
56. How important is financial independence to each of us?
57. What traditions do you want us to create as a couple or family?
58. What scares you most about our future together?
59. How do we balance individual dreams vs. shared dreams?
60. What legacy do we want to leave—as individuals and as a couple?

7– Money & Finances (61–70)

61. How was money talked about (or not) in your family growing up?
62. What does “financial security” mean to each of us?
63. Do you see money as freedom, safety, status, or something else?
64. What purchase over $100 makes you anxious?
65. How should we handle financial mistakes or surprises?
66. Are we savers, spenders, or one of each?
67. What are your non-negotiables around debt, savings, or spending?
68. How do you feel when I spend money on myself?
69. Do we need a joint account, separate, or both?
70. What money conversation are we avoiding?

8– Family, In-Laws & Boundaries (71–80)

71. What family traditions do you want to keep or leave behind?
72. How involved should our parents be in our daily life?
73. What boundaries do we need with my family? With yours?
74. How do you feel when I side with my family over you?
75. What holidays or events feel most stressful with extended family?
76. How do we protect our relationship when family criticizes our choices?
77. What role do you want our parents to have if we have kids?
78. Have I ever thrown you under the bus with family to avoid conflict?
79. What unspoken family rules from your childhood still affect us?
80. How can we be a team when family drama shows up?

9– Appreciation & Love Languages (81–90)

81. When’s the last time you felt truly appreciated by me?
82. What’s one small thing I do that makes your whole day better?
83. What’s my primary love language? What’s yours?
84. Do you feel more loved through words, touch, gifts, time, or acts of service?
85. What’s something I used to do early in our relationship that you miss?
86. How can I show love when life is crazy and we’re both exhausted?
87. What’s a compliment you secretly wish I’d give more?
88. When do you feel most proud to be with me?
89. What daily habit of mine makes you feel most loved?
90. How can we keep gratitude alive even during hard seasons?

10– Personal Growth & Individuality (91–100)

91. What part of yourself are you still trying to heal or grow?
92. How can I support your individual goals without losing “us”?
93. When do you feel I’m most controlling or unsupportive of your growth?
94. What hobby or passion do you wish you had more time for?
95. How has who you are changed since we got together?
96. Do you ever feel you’ve lost part of yourself in this relationship?
97. What’s one area where you want to grow that scares you?
98. How can we celebrate each other’s wins without comparison or jealousy?
99. What friend or mentor do you wish I knew better?
100. Twenty years from now, what do you hope we say we never stopped doing for each other?

Final Tip From Therapists

Pick 3–5 questions at a time.

Take turns answering fully without interruption.

Reflect back what you heard (“So what I’m hearing is…”).

No defensiveness, no problem-solving unless asked.

Just listen, understand, repeat.

These 100 questions have helped thousands of couples move from roommates to soulmates, from gridlocked conflict to compassionate understanding.

Save this list. Come back to it often. Your relationship will thank you.